It's 6 a.m. and I'm up. I had gone to bed early prepared for another middle of the night session of with jet-lagged Troy at 2 a.m. - as I've had for the past two nights. I suppose it is jet lag or all the changes but he was up and a big handful - not wanting to sleep, not wanting to play, and just generally unhappy. The last two nights, I ended up co-sleeping with him but Wednesday night was really rough... he tossed and turned and cried and clawed me for an additional 45 minutes before drifting off.
Last night was much better. Troy went to sleep at 8:00 right after his bottle. He was up at 11 and I was able to get him to fall asleep pretty much right away (good investment, that $150 Target glider rocker chair). Troy was up again at 1:00 and hungry. I fed him and rocked him and we both fell asleep for a bit in the chair and then I put him back in his crib. That was it. So, a number of factors are starting to go our way: Troy is overcoming his jet lag, I'm understanding Troy better, and Troy is getting more comfortable in his new environment. I'm also managing my fatigue better, which is tough because I have a nice little head cold at the moment.
Unrelated other than that I happen to have the time to post about it is the fact that I discovered that Troy likes dog. No, I did not let him taste "Thit Cho" in Vietnam. Actually he likes our dog, Lani (and she likes him). Where Evan and Lani had a crying/barking fit when they first met, Troy has had nothing but fascination for Lani, following her around and making barking noises. We'll never know but perhaps Troy got comfortable with all the (cooked) dogs he saw in our travels in Vietnam. Ha!
Bandwidth is not great in Vietnam so I was unable to upload the following video of Troy eating breakfast on the second-to-last day. He seems to be enjoying it, though somewhat distracted (Sorry about the clumsy ending to the clip):
We made it! Not that there was any doubt but I was pretty exhausted even before the trip started.
Troy did fine on the flight from Hanoi to Taipei, having taken a good nap at the Hanoi airport. He did not sleep on the plane but was content enough and it was great that EVA gave us a bulkhead seat with an empty seat adjacent. Here we are:
My travel group split up in Taiwan, with the others headed to San Francisco and Troy and me headed to Los Angles. The connection was only about two hours - the perfect amount of time. Here's my group and the babies. From left to right it's Kyle, Kari, Brendan, me, Troy, Jamie, Victor, and Madison.
The next flight was a bit tough, at least at first. It was wonderful that I had the entire center bulkhead section (3 seats) and the bassinet on the wall in front of me. However, Troy was overtired. I spent close to 3 hours trying to get him to sleep, walking up and down the aisles of the plane with and without the Ergo carrier, as my meal slowly got cold. Eventually, I put Troy on the floor to play, ate, and then lay him down in the carrier and zipped it shut. He was unhappy but he was not overly loud about it. Before long, he drifted off to a fitful 7 hours of sleep, allowing me the same. So, all in all, it was a pretty good journey, given the possibilities when traveling with babies. There was no screaming fit, no problems with air pressure, no diaper blowouts, and no projectile vomiting. Here we are just after landing - right before we learned that immigration was completely shut down because the computers were down:
All I can say is that I was lucky to have Troy with me. An agent took pity with me and took me around the huge unmoving line of people directly to the special processing desk for immigrants. There, they processed Troy's I600 visa (and my passport) in barely enough time for me to change Troy's diaper. We grabbed the bags and were out the door to a small group of friends and family, including impatient brother, Evan.
I swear Evan grew while I was gone. He seems to have turned from toddler to kid in my absence, and he weighs a ton (or so it seemed when he insisted on me carrying him).
Evan really did his best with Troy and he'll be a wonderful big brother. Of course, there were several meltdowns over the course of the evening, but that is to be expected (and was not helped by Evan having missed his nap to be at the airport). Here's Evan giving Troy his first bottle:
The difficulty sleeping on the plans seems to have helped with the jet-lag adjustment. I let Troy have a brief nap in the afternoon then put him down for good at about 8:30 in the crib in Evan's room. Troy woke up crying a few times but I was able to get him down each time until about 2:00. We were up for about an hour and Troy got a bottle. Troy slept the rest of the night with me, soundly, finally waking up around 8:00 pretty much his normal self. I felt a heck of a lot better too.
We're ready to go. This afternoon and evening was a blur of visa appointments, airline office visits, and last minute shopping for gifts. Troy was a trooper, being dragged all about well past his bedtime. In some strange way, I think all the dragging him around from place to place while smashing him against me in the carrier is actually good from an attachment standpoint.
Troy is sleeping and I'm drinking the last of a bottle of red wine from Hanoi. It's peculiar but serviceable. I still have to shower and pack the bags. Tomorrow morning, we'll be up early for breakfast and hopefully there will be enough time to eat breakfast and buy some formula and coffee before the driver comes, at 9:00 to take us to the airport. Hanoi-Taipei-Los Angeles is my routing and the schedule is to be home Tuesday at a bit before 2 p.m. local time.
To close things out, here we are, with Troy's visa:
Troy's sleeping so I had a few minutes to post. Last night was good... Troy slept well and only cried out a few times - I was able to get him back to sleep quickly both times. Here's Troy at breakfast in his "Phil and Teds" portable high chair (about 2 pounds and a lifesaver for me as a solo traveler):
I got a Skype call from Evan, who was a little ragged today and seemed to be missing me. It'll be good to be home soon.
Finally, I got my phone connected to the computer so could finally get the Bourdain picture downloaded. I was leaning forward to try to get Troy into the frame (he was on my back) but only succeeded in looking dorky. It's something I do well, I guess.
Today was intended to be a bit less full but somehow it did not work out that way.
The night was a bit up and down. Troy started in the crib but eventually woke up and seemed unable to get back to sleep. I put him in the big bed and that did the trick, but he was restless and woke up a number of times.
Before lunch, Kyle (a dad in my group) and I went on a quest to find the pond in which you can see fragments of B-52 that was shot down in December 1972. I knew it was near the hotel but it took lots of twists and turns in back alleyways to get to the right area. En route, we passed a very "local" market. Here's an example of the kinds of treats for sale:
We eventually found the site with the help of some young locals who seemed perplexed as to why it would even be interesting. They say that Vietnam is a very young country and something like 80% of the population therefore has no recollection of the war. Here's a shot of the downed plane:
Afterwards, I stopped at a bookstore and got a detailed map book of Vietnam - something impossible to find in the US. It shows where both Evan and Troy are from, where their orphanages were, and where their G&R's were. Evan was born in remote district and I had never seen it on a map before.
Lunch was a Pate Banh Mi ("Saigon Sub") from a street vendor. Wish my gut luck. Troy had a bottle and some cheerios. Here he is in one of Evan's old outfits, looking very much like Evan did at the same age. I can hardly tell them apart in this picture.
While I was carrying Troy around to put him to sleep, I stopped by the very basic massage place across the street from the hotel. I figured I might get another foot massage tomorrow if the price was right (I had one for $6 in the old town). Well, something was not right. The full body massage was $30 (VERY high for Vietnam) and they seemed puzzled as to why anybody was asking for a foot massage at all. I persisted, and they quoted $20, but seemed very puzzled as to what I would do with the baby if I got one. Why could he just not sleep on my chest, like he did the other day? Go figure, this was definitely one of those places where they massage one leg, then the other leg, then the OTHER leg. No thank you.
This evening, after Troy's nap, we went to the market in the old town, but it was already shutting down so I got absolutely no shopping done. I explored the ex-pat West Lake area and had dinner of beef salad and deep fried soft shell crab at a decent but forgettable restaurant overlooking the lake. Troy did great sitting in the high chair (in Vietnam, they are literally nothing more than high chairs - no buckles or trays or anything). All I can say is you know it's Christmas in Vietnam when they are pumping out Feliz Navidad and a hip-hop remix of "Do They Know it's Christmas" on the sound system.
Bedtime was rough. It was my fault for the late wanderings, during which Troy napped too much no doubt. Anyway, he was overstimulated and my usual trick of carrying him in the Ergo carrier after his bath and bottle only elicited unhappiness. So, we tried the crib. Troy absolutely raged for perhaps 5 minutes (even though I was there beside him), working himself into a fever and a full sweat. I kept talking to him and rubbing his belly and he calmed down, lay down, and was out in under 5 minutes. I've never seen a kid decompress that fast. Probably better to avoid the situation entirely but it was pretty amazing to witness.
Tomorrow is a big day... final USCIS interview and issue of Troy's visa. So, I'm off to bed.
We spent the afternoon eating at Cha Ca La Vong, visiting the "Hanoi Hilton" prison, and walking around the lake (with an obligatory stop for ice cream/coffee at a cafe...Troy slept). Here we are by the lake, at dusk:
Dinner was Pho, at a very historic and local place in the old town. I filled up for about $1.25 and it was probably the best Pho yet... The place was wall to wall people with tiny tables and stools. The locals were nice enough to let me squeeze in.
I let the taxi driver have it for his fast meter - 2 1/2 times what it should have been. I gave him the choice of coming to the hotel where we could discuss his fare and I would write down his car info etc. or accept the actual fare. He thought it wise to take the second option. I can't stand being "profiled" as an easy target.
Back at the hotel, Troy and I played on the bed and he crawled all over me, under my legs etc. He's definitely becoming more interactive and comfortable with the turn his life has taken. He had his best bath yet - very nearly enjoying all of it - even though is basin was in the big tub this time. Here he is afterwards, in the bath robe I could not resist bringing with me. Troy loves the penguin which is from his great aunt, and he happily hits it to make it squeak, bites its beak, and throws it off the bed.
Update: See my last post...I've added a video at the end.
Well, last night was tough again. Troy went to sleep fine (and early) in the big bed but woke up around 2 and insisted on being held while I walked. Anything less elicited wails and ear tugging and thrashing. Waiting for him to fall asleep did not seem to work. Formula did not help. Ibuprofen (for teething pain) did not help. Whiskey did not help (kidding). Standing still while holding him did not work and sitting or lying down was out of the question. Even the magical Ergo carrier failed me. This went on for over an hour. I concluded that both of us continuing this way would only fatigue us both and make today more difficult still - especially since I'm fighting a cold myself. (Note to Laurie: don't read further...) I decided to put Troy in the crib, where he could easily see me, and see what happened. Troy cried for a bit - then less - then he lay down and fell asleep within 15 minutes. Interestingly, he did not exhibit any ear tugging or kicking in the process. He fell fast asleep, like a rock, until 8:30, when I woke him up. I think Troy knows exactly what is going on and I completely admire his quick recognition that it was time to finally go to sleep. Also, he may be more comfortable in a crib since it is more familiar has "walls". I plan to try the crib again tonight.
I was sure Troy would hate me when he woke up but it appears he did not.
Well, it's off to lunch at Cha Ca La Vong - a famous fish restaurant in the old town.
I'm almost caught up...it is Friday night and I'm writing about Friday.
Today was much better. Troy and I both slept 10 hour, with only a few bouts of crying during the night (not me). Troy woke up pretty happy (he does have a period of grumpiness whenever he wakes up), and we had our breakfast at the hotel. Troy ate a bowl of rice porridge, half a container of yogurt, and some bread. I'm giving Troy solid food whenever possible and he likes these items (in addition to crackers, noodles, rice, and bananas).
Back in the room, Troy seemed to be a bit moody so I decided to take him to the doctor - just to get a good look at his ears. The medical clinic got me in right away and the doctor did a thorough exam. No fever, no abdominal issues, and great looking ears. The conclusion is that Troy is suffering some pain from teething and/or may be exhibiting some attention seeking behaviors. On that point, it was already obvious to me that the nannies would pick up Troy as soon as he whined, and he tries to get me to do the same. It's to the point that if he is trying to pull up on something or follow me, he seems to have learned to sit and whine and whinge rather than just do what's completely within his ability. The challenge is to not encourage this behavior while still being sensitive to the fact that some of it is indeed due to teething and the fact that Troy is going through a pretty big transition right now. In any case, the medical visit was a success, if for nothing but my own peace of mind.
After that, the day was pretty much smooth sailing.
Troy took a decent nap and then we headed into to town. I told the taxi to take me to Fannie's ice cream parlor, by the lake, but told the driver to stop when it became clear that he intended to drive me all the way around the lake rather than taking the direct route. It was a perfect day to walk by the lake anyway.
I did get ice cream of course, and then wandered my old haunts in the Old Town (my hotel was there when I was here two years ago to bring Evan home). I found most but not all of the places I remembered, and of course, Troy fell asleep. There is no problem getting a foot massage with a baby sleeping on your chest, so that's what I did.
I continued my wanderings and ended up by the market hall, where I stopped for a "Bia Hoi". I had gotten some rusk biscuits and bananas for Troy so while I had my two beers (35 cents a piece), Troy had his dinner (and bottle). I was right across the street from dog restaurant and I could smell the meat cooking from where I sat (it actually smelled pretty good). Don't get the idea that this kind of food is all that common in Vietnam - it isn't - I just must be hanging out in the wrong places or something. Here's a view of the place:
The ladies at the beer place were fascinated with Troy and they were quite nice. I eventually became annoyed when one would not stop telling me how I should be dressing Troy. Given that it was a nippy 70 degrees, she was insistent he should be in long sleeves and a scarf.
Dinner was at a street restaurant I had been to two years ago - fresh clams cooked in lemongrass broth with chilies and lime chili salt. It was crazy good and that's not just because it was $1.80. The clams were perfectly fresh and sweet and clean tasting:
The ladies at the restaurant were a huge help with Troy, bringing him rice and chicken soup and holding him while I ate.
The taxi back to the hotel was interesting. I noticed the meter clicking rather quickly and called the driver on it. He reached under the dashboard and fiddled with something and suddenly the meter slowed down dramatically. One has to be careful with taxis, it seems.
We had success with the bath tonight. After reading up on bath fears, I put Troy's bath basin on the floor in the bathroom rather in the deep and intimidating "big tub". Troy was still anxious but I showed him the merits of splashing water. Soon I had a good bit of mopping up to do but at least there was progress.
I'll close out this post with a video clip of Troy playing by the mirror. Hopefully, you can get a sense of his intense but happy personality and also see a brief example of his whining and whinging too.
Thursday was rough, and the mild sore throat I woke up with should have been a warning.
The morning was spent packing to get ready to fly to Hanoi. As I had a bit of extra time, I walked to the famous Ben Thanh indoor market, to do a bit of shopping. Walking there, I thought how nice it was to get out without carrying my camera for a change. Go figure. Whom should I see in the market but Anthony Bourdain. Evidently, he is doing his third show in Vietnam and may actually move here for a year. Anyway, I talked to his location manager for a bit and then introduced myself and Troy. At least I had my cell phone so I do have one picture. However it will have to wait until I'm home because I do not know how to transfer it to my computer.
At the airport, I finally had a chance to get online for a bit. Here's a picture of me in the business class lounge, eating leftover pizza and updating this blog, for you, my readers (assuming there are any):
By the picture, you might think Troy would be the ultimate traveling companion. Not so much. From the time of boarding until 30 minutes into the flight, Troy whined and cried and thrashed and clawed. I will understand if Vietnam Airlines creates a policy banning infants (or Troy) from business class. Thankfully, my seatmate was most patient and helpful, and even would have provided us a ride into town in his company car had I been traveling alone (he is the general manager of Vietnam's latex export company).
By the way, Vietnam Airlines flies 777's from Saigon to Hanoi. They sure like big planes.
In Hanoi, we're staying at the Horison hotel, which is a bit away from the tourist center. It's quite nice.
I decided to wander the area to get some dinner. Troy fell asleep in the carrier as I walked through what I would call the "working class" neighborhood. This means there were restaurants selling "Bia Hoi" (cheap local draft beer) and "Thit Cho" (dog meat). For the first time I actually saw some puppy already cooked up and ready for take out. I moved on and got my dinner as take out from a decent looking place called "Saigon Deli".
Back at the hotel, I fed Troy and myself more or less simultaneously. Here's the scene:
It was at this point that Troy melted down again, seemingly inconsolable, clawing at his ears, and kicking his legs. Thinking it might be an ear infection, I gave him some ibuprofin. I also looked up the number for the medical clinic and prepared to e-mail my doctors at home. With a good bit of work and my back in significant pain, I got Troy to sleep. I was too exhausted to contact any doctors so went to bed right after that.
Wednesday was a day off, so I took a day trip to the Mekong river delta. I had visions of Troy's sensitive skin flaring into a horrible heat rash, but he was actually a real trooper all day long - pretty much stripped to his diaper most of the time. He behaved well on the 2 hour (each way) bus ride and won the affection of a good number of people in the travel group.
I can't say Troy will remember the many boat rides, seeing the snakes, visiting the honey farm, visiting the coconut candy factory, listening to local music, or the lunch of prawn curry and elephant ear fish. He probably won't remember the woman who offered me her daughter's hand in marriage and then, rebuffed, offered to sell me her granddaughter. I'm sure there was something lost in translation but the latter offer was a bit creepy. All in all, it was a worthwhile day, setting me back $15 plus the cost of lunch.
Here's Troy awake:
... and asleep in his dorky-looking dad's arms (he spent about half the time doing this)
Back in Saigon, I got a pizza for dinner and ate at the hotel. I also attempted to give Troy a bath. He HATES baths and shrieked the entire time, even though (or perhaps because) I got in the tub with him.
Well, when we last left off, Troy had woken up from his nap and my blog was still about 4 days behind. Let's hope I can wrap things up tonight.
After the medical exam, we got visa pictures for the babies and then were free until Thursday, when we were to fly to Hanoi. I went back to the hotel for nap for Troy. He has a strange affinity for terry towels, which he likes to use for comfort when he sleeps. Fortunately, the Duxton hotel had plenty.
In the afternoon I hung out with Victor and Jamie, a couple from my group who adopted a daughter. We walked around, shopping and checking out potential restaurants for dinner. We finally took a break at the rooftop bar of the Rex hotel, one of the great rooftop bars of the world...
For dinner, we went to "Blue Ginger" which I believe was popular with a number of adoptive parents from my agency. The food was very good but in retrospect, it was a bit much for the kids to sit through the 6 or 7 course menu we ordered. It did not help that I got turned around and led us in the exact opposite direction on the way home.
I'll try to catch you up on the Saigon leg of the trip all in one post. I'll publish it in bits but keep coming back because I may add to it as Troy permits.
On Monday we flew from Da Nang to Saigon. Before leaving the hotel, Troy and I took a walk on the beach, taking advantage of a break in the weather. Troy loves the Ergo carrier and easily falls asleep in it (as long as I'm moving). Here's a picture of Troy after the walk. I had hoped to make baby footprints in the sand on the beach but Troy had conked out too quickly.
This was Troy's first flight, again on an enormous China Airlines A300 jet. Here is Troy sitting in his own Business Class seat (he did not have his own ticked but the seat was free):
Saigon was hot, of course. This time, we stayed at the Duxton, a very nice hotel in the downtown area. The night we arrived, I just wandered around a bit and had a Banh Mi ("Saigon Sub") sandwich of BBQ pork.
The next morning was the medical checkup, required as part of the visa documentation. Our guide took us to the hospital, where they were put through some pretty basic checks - a quick look and some measurements. I was disappointed that they were unable or unwilling to check Troy's ears, which have concerned me since he seem to pull at them as if he is in pain (typically a sign of an ear infection). The doctor was impressed by how much Troy has attached to me, as judged by Troy's response when I handed him off for measurements. Here's Troy getting weighed most unhappily:
Well, Troy is up (and cranky) so here's hoping I'll finish the updates later...
Sorry, everyone, for the silence. No worries. All is well, despite a few difficult moments (precipitated by teething and mourning for nannies, both of which seem to be mostly over with for this round). I'll work on a longer post but wanted to get this out there.
I'm in the Saigon airport business class lounge, by the way, munching on leftover cold pizza from last night. Troy is sitting next to me eating some sort of shrimp rice cracker.
Disclaimer: I keep writing "Evan" when I mean "Troy" so please forgive me if one slips through and just attribute it to parental-onset senility
In like a lion, out like a lamb. That's what they say about March, and Troy is a March baby. Though Evan's official birthday is April 7, that was really his abandonment date, and they estimated him to be 30 days old at that time...
Today was the G&R - Giving and Receiving - Ceremony. The Minister of Justice made an exception and hosted it on a Sunday, which is most unusual. The G&R was in Tam Ky, the capital of the Quang Nam province. I was up at 5 and out the door at 6:30. It was clear that the nannies adore the babies and definitely had a soft spot for Troy. The head nanny gave Troy a special gift, and I also received several letters (of well wishes, I assume, but that awaits translation). I have nothing but respect for what the nannies do. I think this picture gives you an idea:
Troy protested handily when he was formally given to me. In like a lion:
He was on and off all day, obviously grieving for his nannies (which is healthy) but also having great moments and connections with me. He would spontaneously break down crying for up to an hour and then be as happy as could be:
He absolutely did not want to go down for a nap (though he slept in the van on the trip from the G&R), so I decided I might as well not coop myself up in the room. I already know Troy is not content to be holed up in a room or a crib and, frankly, neither am I. So, taking a page from the Good-Butler school of parenting, I took the shuttle to Hoi An on the very day of the G&R. Did I mention that the food I had there was good? I mean crazy-good. I could not stand the idea of room service.
It turned out to be a good decision. Troy slept nicely on the way there and happily banged on the table while I had a few snacks (and some awesome grilled beef in la-lot leaves at the restaurant I had been at yesterday). He did have a hard time in the boat tour, crying for 30 minutes, but all in all, wearing him (in the hip hammock) for 4 hours was exactly what he needed. I definitely drew a crowd and lots of irritating question about how much I "paid" for Troy, but that comes with the territory. Lots of women wanted to hold him to but I flatly refused - it's a bad idea from an attachment standpoint.
We hung out this evening and I let Troy just play around on the bed. He is amazing. Despite small bouts of mourning for his nannies, he played happily. I finally got a good look at Troy and he is going to be a solid kid...he's a complete rock and his muscle development is amazing. He also has rather dark skin compared to Evan's (shout out to Laurie - he'll be built a lot like Jackson, I think). The evening ended with a slathering of Elimite, to get rid of any scabies Troy might have (he had some suspicious bites, and I definitely do not want to bring scabies home). Troy took it much better than the other kids in the group and I think he thought he was getting a massage.
Troy is sleeping now. I put on some traditional Vietnamese lullabies I bought and gave him his last bottle. It was amazing to watch him slip into sleep. Out like a lamb. I don't know about you, but I choke up when I look at him sleeping like this.
I spent today relaxing and preparing for the big day tomorrow - when we have the Giving and Receiving Ceremony and I'll become Troy's dad under Vietnamese law.
Today, I got a chance to look around Da Nang a bit and also spend a few hours in Hoi An. Hoi An is a UNESCO world heritage site due to the preserved state of its old buildings. It's a really quaint town, with great shopping and food. In fact, my two course dinner with drink, which cost less than $6 was probably the best food I have eaten in Vietnam ever. I had a local specialty of fried wontons with tomato and crab on top followed by green mango salad with shrimp. Here are the wontons:
I spent this evening preparing bottles, diapers, and gifts and charging up the cameras. We'll be leaving the hotel at 6:30 in the morning so want to be ready. In the process, I happened to glance at my suitcase and see the luggage tag... The airport code for Da Nang is DAD and the tag says "Da Nang DAD". I'll take it as a good sign for tomorrow!
I had hoped to post this before departure but I was just too busy. So, from Da Nang film editing studios at the Sandy Beach Resort, Vietnam, here is the latest production:
I was thinking last night about how the experience with Troy and Evan is different. It occurred to me that had Evan behaved as Troy did on day one, I would have been pretty freaked out. This time, I'm not bothered at all. I feel like I understand where Troy is at and how he'll go through the process of attachment. If anything, I'm just eager to get on with it. In any case, today was a chance for a second look.
We headed back to the orphanage at 9:30 but not before talking to Evan on the phone for about 15 minutes. He can almost hold a conversation now, and seems to be making noticeable strides in his verbal skill in just the 4 days since I talked to him.
Just like yesterday, Troy was fine with me holding him for the first 15 minutes but then he began to fuss. Of course a nanny whisked him away to soothe him but I'd had enough of that and requested that she sit nearby with Troy instead. This is when I brought out my secret weapon. Bribery. Cheerios. It seemed to break the ice, anyway, and Troy was quite happy hanging out with me for the next few hours. He's way to mobile to want to be held the whole time but he happily let me play with him, carry him around, and give him his bottle.
Here's a picture of us:
Here's a video of Troy showing his mobility...
Did I mention that I got a marriage proposal? This happened with Evan, too, when the Minister of Justice offered to marry me to his nanny. Today, one of the nannies offered her hand to me. These babies are serious chick magnets. Here's a picture of my possible future wife, with the true object of her desires:
This morning, we headed back to the airport for the short hop to Danang, near where Troy's orphanage is. We flew Vietnam Airlines business class, which was extraordinarily comfortable, on a gigantic China Airlines A300. I'm a little puzzled by why such a big plane is doing "local" hops but I guess they know what they're doing since it was nearly full. Upon arrival we dropped our bags at the Sandy Beach resort (on China Beach) and climbed into the van to head to orphanage.
The orphanage is in a small town called Dong Phu, perhaps 30-40 miles from Da Nang. The roads were terrible and the trip took about 90 minutes. The three to-be parents that made my group went inside to find the babies lined up on a straw mat. We all had a staring contest for a few minutes before we decided it would be OK to get to know one another. Troy looked pretty much as I remembered him but perhaps a bit thinner than he was in the previous pictures. Maybe had the stomach bug that seems to have hit the last group of babies from Que Son. In any case, he seemed to tolerate me well enough - at least for the first 15 minutes. After that, I think he figured out that I might somehow be coming in between him and his beloved nannies. One thing that's clear is that Troy knows what he wants and he wanted his nannies. Several nannies held Troy to calm him and we finally settled down to the point where I was able to interact with Troy with the nannies nearby but he still protested when I held him or they got too far. By the time we left, Troy was clearly getting comfortable with me around but it's clear that he's going to warm up on his terms. I see this as a good thing because his current strong attachment to the nannies means he'll be able to form other strong attachments. I expect Troy will have a few tough days after he joins me on Sunday, but I can already see the smart, happy, physical, and determined kid that he really is.
So, how has this been different from Evan? The main thing so far is the way Troy will be slower to warm up. Evan was also attached to his nannies but he is ultimately very pragmatic - he figured out what was happening and accepted me as his best option. Troy is going to need to be convinced.
Tomorrow, it's another day at the orphanage and a chance to work with Troy some more. I'm looking forward to a full day.
By the way, Troy was not the only one who was slow to warm up... The nannies seemed unsure about what to make of me adopting Troy. They clearly like him a lot. In any case, they seemed touched by my idea of giving Troy a t-shirt of mine to sleep with, and they seemed much warmer after that.
It's been a long day, so I'll close with one picture of me with Troy:
I had been meaning to write this post before departing, but there was too much to do. I'm writing it on the plane en route to Danang. By the time I post it, I'll have met Troy.
I've reflected on how adopting a second time is different from the first. It's clear to me that I have a much better idea of what I am getting into and I think I'm much more aware of the significance of it all. When I first meet Troy, I think the experience will be more profound. With Evan, I was too wrapped up in the novelty of the experience and the many immediate questions I had - I had never changed a diaper or given a baby a bottle then, and I did not really understand what it means for a child to look at me as a parent. Evan has taught me a lot.
Even the way I packed my bags was different (which, despite my "experience," are overweight for Vietnamese domestic flights). For example, since I had a very clear idea of what I needed, I was able to think about selecting outfits that would be cute on Troy. I've even developed strong brand preferences for certain diapers, bottles, and wipes. This time, rather than being baffled by the choices available to me, I made a beeline for what I needed, in the scent I prefer. You get the idea.
Sure enough, I soon met my traveling companions, Kari and Kyle, from Oklahoma, and Victor and Jamie, from San Francisco. Kari and Kyle had had a rushed connection in San Francisco and there was some concern the luggage would not make it.
Our flight to Ho Chi Minh city was pretty uneventful. The best part was realizing that we were flying right over Troy's orphanage. I took a picture of the map from the plane (click to see full-sized)
I also wrote some blog posts on the plane that were lost when my computer's battery died. Sorry...I'll try to recreate them tomorrow.
Anyway, after a scary bit where it seemed 4 of my travel companions' bags were missing, the luggage was located and we were off to Saigon. We're staying tonight at the Park Royal, which is a nice hotel far from the city center and near the airport. This choice because we need to head back to the airport in the morning to fly to Danang...
One thing we learned today was that the Minister of Justice will be attending a conference on Friday and thus our G&R has been moved to Sunday. We'll therefore visit the orphanage tomorrow and Friday but not have full custody until Sunday. I hope this makes the adjustment easier for Troy because it will be stretched out in a way, but we'll see.
I spent the afternoon and evening roaming the city with Victor and Jamie (Kyle and Kari were beat after their 4 flights in a row). My first meal was some awesome Pho (pretty much the national dish), at Pho 2000 a legendary place that Bill Clinton visited.
I also took care of some things I needed/wanted to do before T-Day. I got a Vietnamese phone SIM card, a haircut, and a massage, among other things. I'm somewhat jealous of the other couples who can simply hand their baby to their partner and get a massage or take a break every so often. I won't have that luxury - but, I'll get lots of one on one time with Troy instead.
In case you're wondering, news from the home front is that Evan is doing swimmingly without me. He's in good hands.
There is much more to say but the jet lag is hitting me hard. It's off to bed.
I'm in Taipei, where my flight from LA arrived about 1 hour early (4:40 a.m). The flight was fine and was able to sleep about 10 hours of it, which should set me in the right direction for adjusting to the time change. My flight to Ho Chi Minh city is at 7:20. The airport is awafully quiet at this early hour. I'm looking forward to meeting two other families adopting from the same orphanage - they are en route from/via San Francisco and will probably show up any minute. Nice that the airport has wireless internet but power plugs seem nonexistent and my computer is on empty. So I'll sign off for now!
Welcome to my blog! This blog is dedicated to TROY and the journey I am taking to add him to my family. Troy is currently in Que Son, Vietnam, and I am in the final stages of adopting him. I hope to depart from Los Angeles the evening of December 1 (arriving the morning of December 3).
As a consequence of this, Troy will also get a big brother, Evan, and Evan will get a little brother. Evan is also from Vietnam, and I completed his adoption almost exactly two years ago. Evan's current blog site is here and my blog from his adoption journey is here.
I am limiting access to this blog to selected individuals out of respect for those families whose Vietnam adoption journeys ended prematurely with the current shutdown of Vietnamese adoptions for U.S. citizens. If you know me, you know how to reach me by e-mail and I'll be happy to give you the password for the protected posts.
By the way, I'm using Wordpress as my blogging tool, and hosting it on my own web space. I'm doing this because 1) Wordpress has better features for password protecting posts and 2) I have had problems accessing the blogger site from Vietnam in the past. I'm using a domain name (www.adoptpoint.com) that I had registered for a different purpose some time ago. Don't read anything into that. Anyway, you can count on some glitches as I get over the Wordpress learning curve, so please accept my apologies in advance.
Stay tuned for more updates and background on Troy's story!
